When Your Depression and Anxiety Are Unpredictable

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By Sue Morton

Today is a bad day. It’s not yet noon and I’ve cried four times. I have felt anxiety creeping in and try to control me.

I have sadness which I can’t explain.

I wish I could tell you that something happened to make me sad. Something like, my husband and I had a fight, or I have work troubles, or my pet just died. Those things would make sense, right?

Mental illness doesn’t make sense sometimes. Depressiondoesn’t need a reason. Anxiety doesn’t need a situation.

I lie on my couch and don’t want to do anything. Yesterday I was out shopping and went to the spa and had a great, fun day.

I don’t have overly negative thoughts, I don’t have an overabundance of mindless chatter telling me I am nothing, worthless, unlovable and a mistake.

It’s far beyond that today. It’s the feeling of defeat — numb, broken, deep dark sadness and pure mental exhaustion. And it comes out of nowhere.

I don’t want to die; I don’t want to do anything. I just want to lie here on my couch and cry.

I hate how unpredictable mental illness can be.

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