By Katie Mather
1. Skipped my own birthday dinner.
2. Left text messages and emails unread and unanswered for days.
3. Texted everyone in my contacts.
4. Slept for 12 hours a night, and then took naps throughout the day.
5. Decided 3 hours of sleep a night was more than enough for me to just exist.
6. Taken Adderall to fake some kind of basic motivation to do work.
7. Not showered for a week. Multiple times.
8. Showered twice a day for a week. Multiple times.
9. Consumed an entire box of Strawberry Pop-Tarts in one sitting while binge-watching Freaks and Geeks in the dark at 12pm.
10. Decided that a spoonful of peanut butter would be a sufficient meal.
11. Avoided going out with friends
12. Harassed my friends into going out with me and staying out with me until the very early hours of the morning (against their will).
13. Watched videos of veterans reuniting with their dogs to make myself cry/feel something.
14. Not get out of bed or change my clothes for days.
15. Exercised for five hours a day to avoid human contact and to also, again, try to make myself feel something.
16. Gotten irrationally angry with everyone for not paying attention to me.
17. Gotten irrationally angry with everyone because they’re paying too much attention to me.
18. Hysterically sobbed (feat. snot and hiccups) in my therapist’s office before asking her what she’s been up to these days.
19. Apologized to my diary, an inanimate notebook, about how bad I’ve been about writing in it regularly.
20. Lied down on the bathroom floor at work for 30 minutes, contemplating what my purpose in life is.
21. Considered whether I’m just doing this all for attention.