By Ciarra Wagner
As I sat in church last week, I witnessed love in thirty different forms. To my immediate right, a young mother and father soothed their newly born baby boy. Directly in front of me, a 20-something couple held hands during their worship. To my left, my very best friend sat with poise and focus, digesting the message and already applying it to his life. Above me, I felt light and love pouring in through the skylight.
A younger me would have felt a pang of jealousy, maybe even a bit of panic–because all 20-year-olds should panic if they are not yet in a committed relationship for life with a child on the way of course.
Modern me felt nothing but joy, admiration and contentment. In fact, I couldn’t look away from the perfection all around me. Just seeing it made me feel full. At first, I could not figure out what transition I must have gone through somewhere in my recent past to make sense of who I am right now. Then, it hit me: God will give him to me someday.
Spoiler: He will give him to you someday, too.
I discovered this phrase in a song a couple of years ago. Though it is short, the hope and trust in these words have the power to calm the occasional anxiety that arises around the subject. There is also something so mysterious and exciting about the word “someday.” Like next week? Two years and 43 days from now? When I’m 32?
For now, do these four things and do them well:
1. Be shamelessly independent.
This is the time. Learn how to hang a curtain rod in your bedroom, check the fluid levels in your car, try making something for dinner that doesn’t involve pouring Raisin Bran into a bowl and pouring milk on top of it. Even if you fail at most everything like I tend to, it is so fun being in control of your actions and taking accountability of the outcome. The real success is what you learn about yourself during the process of simply doing.
2. Laugh endlessly with your friends.
As we get older, friendships evolve and relationships take precedent. It’s the way of life. Eventually, it will not just be you and your girls. Accept this and give a little extra attention to the other singles. There is something sacred and companionship-like sharing singleness with a friend or seven. Have dinner parties every other day of the week, play inappropriate card games by the fake fireplace on the TV, and just enjoy the company of good people and you will forget about the stereotypical loneliness that accompanies being single.
3. Don’t settle, but be open.
The only direction your bar should move is up. Raise it and don’t ever question yourself or your standards. This is not to say you are better than others; you may just be looking for something different. You could end up alone if you are too selective, and that only means you should not zone in on four specific “standards” on top of wanting brown hair, blue eyes, a defined back, and a perfectly trained 12-week old yellow lab named Maddox. I believe in compatibility, but there are so many moving elements that it is difficult to meet someone that tops the significant other you have already created in your mind, so be open. And erase the man in your mind.
4. Go places.
The other day, I was getting groceries after work and I reached for a crown of broccoli at the same time as another man. We looked at each other, laughed, and went on our way. Fighting over a crown of broccoli would be a pretty adorable “How did you meet?” story… unfortunately that is not the direction it went (But if you’re reading this, call me).
My point is, you are going to have a very difficult time meeting people if you don’t get out of the house occasionally. Even if you’re only met with couples everywhere you go, meeting people is fun and you can never have enough connections.
Okay, I will leave you with this: Everything you are doing in your day-to-day right now is getting you one step closer to the woman you will be when your next adventure presents itself.
Whether you believe in something bigger than life or not, know there is a plan and you are exactly where you need to be in this moment. Tame the relationship anxiety by respecting yourself and those who get to know you, because there’s only one of you and you are so special it hurts. Don’t forget your worth simply because your someone isn’t here yet and know the only way to truly miss out on something in life is to abstain from living, so get to it!