1. You’ve always been someone who is super ambitious, with lots of dreams and goals.
You consider it a core part of your personality, even.
2. On a totally unrelated note, you also deal with depression.
You know, that sometimes-debilitating mental illness that causes symptoms that interfere how you feel, think, and handle daily activities.
3. And these two facts are always frustratingly, obnoxiously unavoidably at odds with one another.
Especially because some common symptoms are hopelessness, difficulty concentrating, loss of interest in hobbies, and LACK OF MOTIVATION.
4. You love the idea of doing, moving, creating — but your depression has other ideas.
Some days it’s hard enough to brush your hair, let alone tackle some of the lofty dreams you have for yourself.
5. Your confidence and motivation can be there one day and disappear the next.
6. Which makes you question your ability to achieve your dreams on the regular.
7. Sometimes your energy and motivation doesn’t last past the planning stages.
Reality always sets in as soon as you actually have to do things.
8. When you have limited energy and a million things you want to do, you get overwhelmed and do nothing instead.
9. Some days, your ambition and depression have a weird codependent relationship with each other.
It’s an endless cycle.
10. There’s a lot of procrastinating, because you tell yourself you don’t want to start something until you can give it your all.
At this point, the Venn diagram of things you want to do and the things you’ve mentally shelved for later are a circle.
11. You constantly think about where you’d be by now if you hadn’t lost time dealing with depression.
Like, damn, people are lucky you have depression, because otherwise you would be UNSTOPPABLE.
12. The discrepancy between your inner ambitions and your outer accomplishments stresses you the fuck out.
You constantly feel like you’re not living up to your potential.
13. When people recognize your ambitious nature, you always feel like an impostor.
It’s a curse of passing as high-functioning.
14. Or, when people don’t recognize it, you worry they mistake you for being lazy.
15. You have the occasional crisis where you convince yourself you’re not depressed at all — you’re just not trying hard enough.
16. And you’re not sure if some shitty self-fulfilling cycle is at work or if you’re being too hard on yourself.
17. You’ve tried to get yourself to chill and start celebrating smaller victories, but it’s just not the same.
When your depression is at its worst, scaling your goals back from “take over the world” to “brush your teeth” can be frustrating as hell.
18. You feel like you’ve been talking about the same dreams without making any progress on them for way too long.
19. And sometimes you second-guess whether you really want to achieve your goals anymore or if depression is just making you lose interest.
WHICH IS IT? SOMEONE TELL ME.
20. When you do accomplish a goal, you’re momentarily pissed that it doesn’t solve all your mental health problems.
…before remembering a mental illness doesn’t care about your accolades.
21. All the standard advice about ~achieving your dreams~ is pretty annoying at this point, tbh.
Yeah, depression isn’t going to stop you, but when you’re dealing with it, success is more complicated than a bunch of feel-good platitudes.
22. You constantly have to remind yourself that your treatment is helping you move toward a future you want, not hurting you, thanks to people who romanticize ~suffering for your work~.
23. But ultimately, you know you’re going to achieve your goals no matter what, because you’re ambitious as fuck and managing your depression as you grow is just another challenge.
No path to success is linear, and you’ll figure it out.
By the way: Relatable posts are fine and good, but nothing beats getting the help you need. SO, here are some quick resources, just in case: